Hey All,
Yesterday was pretty interesting. Hugo was out and had taken the internet (via his cellphone) with him, Walter took his laptop away. So I was left without the internet, I got bored and wandered around the yard. It had recently rained. I went looking around. Set on a slide at the playground, went to the soccer field and checked to see if the goals of the soccer field were strong enough - after 10 years of not practicing gymnastics - to practice gymnastics again. I decided it was not worth trying. Then I went to the big hole that is going to be a fish lake at some point. There I found a funny looking yellow ant or ant look alike. By now my sandals got packed with mud as it had recently rained.
I found a frisbee at that same hole and Vanesah (Walter´s wife) came over and we decided to throw and chase frisbees. After about 5 tosses of good fun, she threw it way too far so I decided to chase after it running with some enthusiasm. On the way there, the foot that was behind slipped on the mud. I fell head long down. From 2 meters to 0, headlong. I was relatively unharmed everywhere, but my head landed in such a way that nothing slowed it down before it hit the ground. Fortunately I had my tongue in the right place, my upper and lower jaw hit eachother without wreaking any sort of havoc worth the name. My head hit the ground and I suspect gave me a light concussion. The ground itself was just wet soil and not concrete, nothing on the skin of head shows that it hit the ground from 2 meter high fall.
I do have something else to show for my little fall.
My left elbow was only slightly stratched. My right elbow bled like 2 drops of blood. The red blotch in the photo is where it came from. My left arm feels a little funny so I think I pulled a little muscle somewhere along the fall of this goliath. A little seemingly strained muscle in my left arm prohibits me from wanting to practice gymnastics for atleast another couple of days.
Anyway, I fell... and I realised I fell pretty hard... so I was laying there. Vanesah fast approaching. my head is facing straight forward for now and I decide that I have to show some sign of life so Vanesah isnt going to think im unconscious so I lay down more comfortably by laying my head down on my right cheek, I was not in a hurry to get up and running again. I try and feel what seems hurt and what does not. There didnt seem to be much but I wanted to be careful. I was worried I´d have mud all over me and wanted to prevent any more of it from getting on my clothes but I soon gave up on that idea because my clothes were already practically soiled any how. I could now safely surrender the idea that I could prevent myself from invoking the generousity of the volunteers, considdering the state I was now in.
After a bit Yilbert, Walter and a few others approach. I find out Walter is a nurse and he checks me out. By now I´d already decided to sit up on my rear end in a kind of lotus position (on mud and grass), embracing my knees with my arms. I showed that no bones were broken or out of place. I had already started crying and getting emotional and I dont know why. I thought the 2 meter fall of my head had to do with it. I suspected someone in the spirit realm was complicit. I dont think I really mind if it was ment to be, I think it was for a higher purpose.
Vanesah and Esperanza led me to a water basin and cleaned up places to clean and disinfect any possible places on my body that may be wounded. Then an awkward situation arises which I acredit to Hugos (the only one who really speaks English around here) absence, because I wanted to take a shower and needed some new clothes but couldnt communicate in Spanish with the words I needed to make myself clear, or the understanding of the words being spoken to me. Many smiles and light laughs were given as I did not understand what was being said.
Eventually I go into the shower and Vanesah gives me my towel and I clean myself up. I go move to the main hall and sit down on a chair. Esperanza disinfects the little wound I showed you Hugo comes and puts some sort of algae cream on my elbow which very slowly absorbs into arm, I still feel it 24 hours later. He said this stuff was ¨very good¨ (with his limited English) and I trust him.
I decide to move to the little work room next to the mens sleeping room with 3 bunk beds and Vanesah follows even though I have not many words por la communicacion con mi amigos y amigas (for communication with my friends and lady friends). I sit down in my favorite chair, she in the reclining chair not far away. Many mildly awkward moments pass and I cry and cry and feel emotional, return to seeming normal and start crying all over... I think 15 minutes later Hugo returns and now Esperanza was also nearby. Then finally it is asked how I feel hurt and I say it is not physical pain but more something else, feelings I dont know for sure where they come from.
The first thing I remembered (that could be the reason for my emotions) as I related this incident to a friend, was Yilber. At the same time that this incident was going on, Hugo was coincidently visiting Yilbers parents. Yilber told Hugo his parents agreed to talk to him about the situation I described in the previous post, so Hugo went right away (without me noticing). This was soon before I slipped. It seems Yilbers parents allow Yilber to come again (big chance that he will, even if they prohibit it) but (I think) we are all concerned the same gossiping lady will rant and rave that we are demon worshippers again and that his parents will again be swayed the other way. I get the feeling Yilbert may be in for a tougher challenge then he has to date and if I´m right and he victorious then his story (about how he faced his challenges so he can come to the ashram at Yo Creo En Mi) could encourage my fellow Theosophians (¡you know who you are!) to face their challenges too to come here for the conference this turn of the year!
I feel its going to be a very good conference.
So I was sitting in my favorite chair, it was a rocking chair. After a bit I put my hands to my sides and leaned a bit. Still going back and forth between crying and sobbing; and being on the verge of crying and sobbing. I kept going over thoughts, some of which returned the crying to me as I tried remembering and thinking things which I knew could cause me to cry more. It was a little embarrassing.
Now Esperanza was here with me too and Hugo then came (which enabled communication) and they asked me something I forgot and I replied I don’t feel physical pain, but I´m feeling emotional. At that point Esperanza came and embraced me. I was sitting and she was holding me with her hands from just about the height of my shoulders to my head and rubbing my hair like a mother would, she held me like that for what felt like an hour… and I cried and sobbed, and cried, and sobbed, and cried and I do not know exactly why. Then she left to prepare dinner for us all, (God forgive me for forgetting what it was, I´m sure it was tasty) leaving with the parting words “Express your heart” simple and powerful. I shy-ly said Aqui (pointing to her heart) and then Aquí (pointing to my own heart) and she said yes yes or something to that effect. (Aqui means “Here”).
That was such a nurturing experience, then I started to realize even more how much Yo Creo En Mi is needed for the salvation of the kids and their souls. They´re doing their best here and doing the work God gave them, or us.
Blessings,
Sander Buruma
No comments:
Post a Comment